As the Washington Post noted recently, there has been pressure on Japan to join the international child custody treaty to "address concerns that Japanese mothers can take children away from foreign fathers without recourse."
]]> Japan's parliament has finally relented and agreed to join the 1980 Hague Convention on international child abduction. The treaty has 89 signatories, with Japan being the last of the Group of Seven to join (also known as G7, the group includes the U.S., U.K., France, Germany, Italy, Canada and Japan).The convention ensures that child custody disputes are settled by the courts of the country where the abducted child lived before the abduction. It also seeks to protect the rights of access to the children by both parents.
Many cases have been documented -- often involving U.S. service members -- of a U.S. citizen being denied access to his children after his former wife has fled to her native Japan.
Japan has long resisted signing the treaty, arguing that it was protecting Japanese women from abusive foreign spouses.
You might recall a 2009 case in which an American was arrested in Japan after his former wife accused him of abducting their two kids on their way to school.
He argued that she was the one who abducted the children and fled to Japan after a U.S. court had granted him full custody.
The man was eventually released by Japanese authorities and allowed to return to Tennessee after he agreed to leave his children in Japan.
Hopefully, this man and others will now be able to resolve their custody cases in U.S. courts.
Source: Washington Post, "Japan approves joining international child custody treaty amid concerns about abductions," May 22, 2013
]]>Take a look at child custody, for instance. In a not-so-distant past, it was automatically assumed by virtually everyone in Fort Worth that a mother in a divorce would get custody of the children rather than the father. Not so today.
]]> The same is true in spousal maintenance (alimony) in divorce. It was once assumed by nearly everyone that the man in the divorce would pay alimony to his ex-wife. Again, not so today. In some cases, women are paying alimony to ex-husbands, as Time magazine recently noted in an article.Why the shift? It's due to economics: nearly 40 percent of working wives today earn more than their working husbands. While it's certainly a positive economic outcome for those women, it can result in a less rosy outcome in a divorce where more and more family courts are telling women that they must pay spousal maintenance to their new ex.
Naturally, not all women ordered to pay alimony are thrilled with the idea -- any more than men ordered to pay spousal maintenance have been overjoyed by the news. As Time noted, however, "What’s sauce for the gander is, alas, sauce for the goose."
The writer argues that divorce, like many other institutions in American life, is undergoing the process of "de-gendering." No longer can only men be cops, firefighters, soldiers, doctors and construction workers. And no longer can women be the only ones to receive alimony.
The initial idea behind alimony was solid: men and women divided the labor involved in marriage and parenthood. The man earned income and the woman raised the children and tended the house. The division of labor enabled both to be focused and successful.
But so many households today have two wage-earners, not one. And the division of labor has become more and more blurred for many couples, so the change in spousal maintenance should come as little surprise to anyone -- male or female.
Source: Time, "The De-Gendering of Divorce: Wives Pay Ex-Husbands Alimony Too," Liza Mundy, April 16, 2013
]]>Being alone is better than being in a bad relationship, according to the new study reported on in Fort Worth media.
]]> The University of Michigan psychiatrist who led the study said that people who are in marriages with critical or unsupportive spouses are much more likely to suffer serious depression than those who are single."The quality of your relationships matters more than quantity when it comes to depression," he said.
He led a team that surveyed 4,642 adults between ages 25 and 75. First the participants were surveyed in the 1990s and then they were interviewed again a decade later.
Researchers were asking questions in order to try to learn about the level of support participants received from their partners. Questions included the following:
Researchers also looked at the effects of non-marital relationships with family and friends on depression, but found that those relationships were less likely to be linked to depression than a bad marriage.
It's interesting that while those with an unsupportive and/or critical spouse were significantly more likely to experience a major depression disorder at some point, those without a spouse were at no increased risk of depression.
Those married people with the least support or most criticism had more than double the risk of depression than those in good relationships.
Source: Huffington Post, "Relationship Study Finds Link Between Depression And Unsupportive Spouses," May 2, 2013
]]>The writer talked to a handful of family law attorneys from around the nation and got some ideas on the dos and don'ts of divorce.
]]> One tip the writer gave readers: if you seek spousal support, don't get divorced here in Texas. As many readers know, Texas law is not considered as generous as many other states regarding alimony awards.Another tip regarding geography: cheating spouses were advised not to get divorced in Georgia. Juries there can decide issues such as child custody, child support, property division and so on, and will often rule against cheaters, the writer of the article stated.
More advice: if you're young, don't even bother getting married because the odds are good that you will wind up divorced, the author insisted. Thirty-six percent of brides and 38 percent of grooms who get married between ages 20 and 24 wind up divorced. (Of course, a reader could look at those statistics and say that in both cases, nearly two-thirds of young people stay married after marrying at a young age.)
Older couples getting married were urged to get prenuptial agreements protecting their property, money and other assets for their children from a previous marriage.
Of course, the best way to get answers to questions about divorce and related legal matters is to speak with an experienced family law attorney.
Source: Slate, "In Honor of Kim Kardashian," April 23, 2013
One such article we recently came across was by psychologist Allison Pescosolido, writing for the Huffington Post about common mistakes to avoid in divorce.
]]> One of the most common mistakes, Pescosolido writes, is that people will often try to be close friends with their former spouses. She urges people to instead set up clear emotional boundaries with the ex, and to avoid intimacy with them after the divorce.She said "trying to maintain a friendship will only lead to more heartache and pain."
It's better to realize you need time and space to heal the heartbreak.
Another common mistake people make is that they try to go it alone after a divorce. They want to prove to themselves, and perhaps to the world, that they can make it on their own, but in doing so they can cut themselves off from the critical emotional support available from friends and family who love them.
Plus, she said, it's not a good idea to try to go it alone on legal matters either. Instead, enlist the help of a family law attorney who understands divorce, the courts and legal pitfalls to avoid.
Also on the list of common mistakes: rushing into decisions. Divorce creates a sense of newfound freedom, but just because a person no longer has to share decision-making doesn't mean they should hurry to make big decisions on careers, homes, cars, etc.
Also, of course, try to avoid making hasty decisions on entering new romantic relationships in the aftermath of a divorce, she wrote.
Source: Huffington Post, "5 Common Divorce Mistakes," Allison Pescosolido, April 8, 2013
You can't actually buy the divorce online, but you can buy the forms, fill them out yourself and file them with a Tarrant County court. Anyone tempted to take this theoretically cheap and easy way out of a marriage should be cautioned, however: unless you understand Texas family law, you could be buying years of trouble in critical matters such as child custody, property division and spousal support.
]]> There are 226 chapters in the Texas Family Code. Few people are going to be able to read through and learn to understand those legalese-packed laws, making it very possible that they will unknowingly create lasting legal problems on important matters.A recent TV report about online divorce forms told about a couple that had downloaded the forms and was ready to proceed when a judge found a big problem: they had not decided on child custody. He ordered them to hire attorneys.
The attorney for the woman found another problem: because she didn't understand family law, she had unwittingly been ready to sign away part of her husband's benefits.
The lawyer caught the mistake and the woman got the portion of the benefits to which she was entitled.
A Texas judge told a reporter that most couples simply don't have the legal knowledge needed to fill out the forms correctly. He said the online divorce forms work "for very few people."
It makes much more sense for most people to get experienced legal guidance on critical divorce issues such as child custody, spousal support and property division.
Source: KXXV, "Online divorce option increasing," April 8, 2013
A recent article on divorce involving grandchildren offers advice on how grandparents can be there for the kids and for their adult children going through the divorce, too.
]]> The Grandparents.com author says there are four groups of people for a grandparent to consider as they tread carefully around a divorce: the other set of grandparents, your adult child, your adult child's former spouse and your grandchild.One suggested goal: keep your grandkids' visits to your home as much as they were like before the divorce as possible.
One psychotherapist (and grandma to 10) said, "Time with grandparents can be a relief for grandchildren who may be caught in the middle of two parents. Your home should be a neutral zone."
She believes it's wise for grandparents to focus on the grandchildren, not on the details or disagreements involved in the divorce.
The therapist urges grandparents to resist the urge to be referee or therapist to the grandkids. Just be grandma or grandpa, as you were before the divorce hit.
Talk with them about the divorce if they want to, but don't spend their visits focused exclusively on that subject. Give them a shoulder to cry on, but remember to be the grandparent devoted to indulging them in ways their parents do not.
If they want to talk about the divorce, take a positive approach in which they are reassured that they are not in any way to blame for their parents' split.
No one looks forward to a divorce, but a break-up gives grandparents an opportunity to be supportive and to offer a sanctuary from the troubles and concerns grandkids can have at home.
Source: Huffington Post, "Helping Grandkids Survive Divorce," March 29, 2013
In a separate proceeding, it was also decided that the couple's prenuptial agreement would stand, meaning that Pilar will not get half of Deion's wealth, estimated by some to be as much as $250 million (a figure he disputes).
]]> Both halves of the couple have sought media attention as they sparred over custody, finances and hurled accusations back and forth over alleged domestic abuse.The couple was married for 14 years, and has been in the process of divorce since late 2011 when NFL Hall of Famer Deion announced their split via Facebook.
As with so many couples, the most important issue for this one was custody of the children. The Sanders' kids are two boys, 13 and 11 years old, and their daughter, 9.
A jury heard arguments over a couple of weeks in the custody case, eventually deciding that Deion would have the power to make all decisions about education, health care and extracurricular activities for the boys, and that Pilar and Deion will share those responsibilities and decisions for their daughter.
Then an arbitrator decided that the couple's prenup would stand, despite Pilar's argument that the document was partially forged.
As a result of that decision, she will receive $1 million, but apparently not a portion of the 100-acre estate in Prosper, Texas, or the luxury condo in Dallas.
While few of us will ever face the bright lights of the media as this couple has, many face the prospect of a divorce with difficult issues involving child custody and property division. Those kinds of complex emotional and legal disputes make the guidance and advocacy of an experienced family law attorney critical in these matters.
Source: New York Post, "No end zone for Deion Sanders divorce war," March 26, 2013
The man must wear a sign for three hours a day, three days each week, until he pays off the more than $13,000 he owes in back support.
]]> The sign states "I haven't paid child support and I'm in contempt of court."Reaction to the unusual sentence has been mixed, with some saying the man is a delinquent dad who deserves to be humiliated; others believe the shaming is cruel and will be counterproductive, embarrassing the man's kids and likely subjecting them to ridicule.
The father is apparently more than two years behind on support payments.
An area newspaper quoted online statements both for and against the unusual punishment, some noting with satisfaction that the sign might prod the man to get caught up on his payments and do right by his children.
One woman stated that she knew many others in the county who were behind on payments but that this is the only delinquent parent made to wear a sign.
She said if the punishment is fit for one, it should be applied to all.
The family of the man ordered to wear the sign is not pleased by the punishment. His mother told a TV station reporter that her son has cancer and shouldn't be compelled to wear the placard.
Anyone facing a divorce that will involve child custody and child support disputes should speak with an attorney experienced in protecting their clients' interests and the best interests of the children.
Source: Jackson Clarion-Ledger, "Child support sign: Punishment applauded, questioned," Dustin Barnes, March 21, 2013
A financial planning expert who works with family law attorneys recently said the DIY principles are in effect with divorces, too. If you don't know the law, haven't previously navigated the court system and if you don't understand legal terminology, you probably shouldn't try to save money by doing your divorce yourself, she said.
]]> It's understandable why some people would in tough times try to save money by avoiding lawyers, mechanics, doctors, plumbers and other professionals. But the reality of the legal system is much like the reality of the human body, a car engine and even the water pipes in your home: it's a lot more complicated than it might appear at first glance.The difference between trying to fix a leaky faucet and trying to figure out an equitable divorce agreement is that mistakes in a divorce can have a negative impact that can last for years.
"There aren't many things in life more final than final orders in a divorce," the financial planner noted. "It's a process that's worth doing right."
Source: The Colorado Springs Gazette, "Do-it-yourself divorce could be cause for regret," Linda Leitz, March 10, 2013
The sergeant's Scottish national wife took their young daughter and left him while he was deployed in Afghanistan. The six-year-old girl now lives with her mother in Scotland.
]]> The U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Alabama and an appeals court had both ruled that the case was not in their jurisdiction.The soldier had married the citizen of the United Kingdom in Germany. When he was then deployed to Afghanistan, his wife took the little girl to Scotland. When he was transferred to Alabama, his wife and daughter joined him there.
But the marriage was clearly strained at that point. The sergeant soon filed for divorce and child custody.
His wife was deported, with the girl staying in Alabama with her dad. However, the mother filed a petition under international law regarding child abduction, asking that her daughter be returned to her in Scotland.
A U.S. District Court judge that the girl's home was Scotland and granted the mother's petition, with the mother then taking her daughter to Scotland, where custody proceedings were initiated.
She was awarded interim custody by the court and an injunction preventing her estranged spouse from taking the girl back to the United States.
When the dad appealed that decision, the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals said the case was no longer in its jurisdiction, essentially rendering the sergeant's case moot because the girl was living in Scotland.
The sergeant refused to give up, however, and appealed his case to the U.S. Supreme Court, which breathed life back into his fight for custody.
Any member of the military facing a custody dispute should speak with an attorney experienced in military family law about their parental rights and available legal options.
Source: AL.com, "U.S. Supreme Court clears way for former Redstone Arsenal soldier to pursue custody of daughter in Scotland," Feb. 19, 2013
Since 1990, divorces among people age 50 and older have doubled. One out of every four divorces in the nation includes Boomers. The problem, experts say, is that in some cases the older Boomers are putting their retirement plans in danger when they divorce.
]]> Fortunately, many of them can carve out with financial planners and family law attorneys retirement plans that will carry them through their golden years.A sociology professor who co-authored a report on "The Gray Divorce Revolution" says that so-called "gray divorce can be economically devastating for some people, especially for women who have been out of the labor force bearing children."
The problem is straightforward: when they're married, people pool their resources for retirement. When they divorce, they split those resources. Afterwards, those same resources must fund two retirements rather than a single shared retirement.
Unsurprisingly, two retirements costs quite a bit more than a single, shared retirement. Experts say it can cost 50 percent or more to fund separate retirements.
For many people, that extra cost is going to require them to downsize their retirement plans. In some cases, retirement might even have to be shelved for a significant period, as people work to replenish savings and pension funds.
For those facing divorce, there are a host of pressing financial and legal questions that need answers. The process of getting answers and finding solutions begins with a conversation with an experienced family law attorney.
Source: USA Today, "Boomer divorce: A costly retirement roadblock," Rodney Brooks, Feb. 26, 2013
Our Tarrant County, Texas, law firm represents clients in Fort Worth divorce matters.
]]>While a number of states have moved to restrict spousal maintenance (alimony) following a divorce, in 2011 Texas moved in the opposite direction, allowing ex-spouses to collect, in some cases, for decades. Spousal maintenance had previously been limited to three years in our state.
]]> But the objection among many in the military is to a federal law that allows a former spouse to collect alimony essentially for life -- even if they remarry.The Uniformed Services Former Spouses Protection Act, signed into law by President Reagan in 1982, allows states to treat military retirement benefits as property and to divide it in half.
Critics of the law argue that former spouses shouldn't get such huge portions of retirement pay earned by serving the nation at least 20 years.
Those critics note that retirement from the military is a relative term, anyway: they aren't literally retired, but are rather on reserve status.
They also note that few other employees of the federal government are on the hook for lifetime alimony, including those members of Congress who wrote and passed the legislation in question.
Of course, the law also has its supporters, who point out that ex-spouses often spend the best years of their lives following a service member around the globe, caring for the family, and so on.
One attorney who discussed the issue with a reporter said the military members feel they've earned their retirement pay and should get to keep it. Their former spouses feel that they, too, gave up part of their lives to the military, often in trying circumstances, and that they have also earned a share of that pension.
When a person faces the prospect of a divorce involving the military, they should discuss their legal options with an attorney experienced in this complex area of law.
Source: newsmax.com, "Military Divorcees Aim to End Lifetime Alimony Rules," Feb. 18, 2013
The tycoon's trial made headlines, as did his conviction and sentencing. What didn't make headlines was the long and contentious divorce the parents of the 23-year-old man killed in the accident were going through at the time. In fact, their disputes continue to this day and now include a legal clash over what to do with their son's ashes.
]]> That disagreement over the disposition of his remains is what has dragged them back into the news.Last autumn, the former husband petitioned the court to allow him to take a "relatively equal" part of his cremated son's ashes for burial in a family plot in Georgia. His former wife, and mother of the 23-year-old, rejected the request as "insensitive."
A Palm Beach County judge ruled last Friday that there would be no splitting up of the remains.
He told the two parties that they must sit down, "try harder" and come to an agreement on what should be done with their son's ashes.
He noted that the remains aren't "like a bank account" from which half can be withdrawn and deposited with one of the parents.
He also told the pair that he would not listen to arguments about which of them loved their son the most. He ruled that he assumes both love him, but that they need to work out their differences on what to do with what is left of his body.
The pair also reportedly has disputes over the disposition of home videos and a baseball card collection to settle as well.
Anyone facing a potentially acrimonious split should discuss in detail their legal options with an experienced family law attorney.
Source: The Orlando Sentinel, "Bitter divorce grabs spotlight for parents of Goodman victim," Ben Wolford, Feb. 1, 2013
When a same-sex couple has children together, the break-up can be even more complicated because Texas doesn't recognize same-sex marriage. That can mean a non-biological parent has to fight to even be recognized as someone with standing to ask for visitation rights.
]]> That's apparently the case with a Dallas woman who had a baby with her partner. Not long after the baby was born, however, their seven-year relationship came to an end.The non-biological parent found that her failure to take certain legal steps had made her request to visit the baby boy much more difficult.
She said the most important step she, and others in her situation, can take is to carry out a second-parent adoption of the baby.
She noted there are other steps members of the LGBT community can take before the baby's birth to help establish their standing, however.
While adoption makes the strongest legal statement possible in a state that doesn't recognize same-sex marriage, a joint managing conservatorship also establishes a legal relationship that Texas courts recognize.
A joint managing conservatorship establishes the parental rights and duties of the two parents, though one of the two parents might have exclusive rights to make certain decisions.
In the absence of adoption or a joint managing conservatorship, a non-biological parent can also take other steps to establish their standing, including getting documents drawn up for medical powers of attorney and wills. They can also use joint mortgages and leases and bank accounts to help establish their legal relationship to the biological parent and the child.
The various legal options and avenues should be discussed with an experienced family law attorney.
Source: Dallas Voice, "Unplanned parenthood," David Taffet, Feb. 1, 2013